The Benefits of Being a Married Man: by saint mienpamo


“Honey, now that we’re married, I want it twice a day…”

The Benefits of Being a Married Man

article composed by saint mienpamo
When a man announces he’s gotten engaged, he can count on two things: every female in a twelve mile radius will hear the story of how he proposed and every male friend he has will make a joke about what he’s about to lose –his hair, his various card and magazine collections, his ability to do(insert fun activity here). While we agree a little pre-marital hazing is good for building character, the truth is that tying the knot actually enhances a man’s life in a number of ways. From greater financial stability and better health to more sex and professional respect, research has shown that men with a Mrs. reap more life-enhancing benefits than their single counterparts.  Who’s laughing now?


We Hope You Like Sex…

Because you’ll be having more of it.  According to a British study, married men enjoy more sexy time than single men,  regardless of what country they live in. Looking to up your chances? Make efforts to seduce your wife outside of the bedroom by asking how her day was, cleaning up and making her a nice meal (without being asked) every now and then

You’ll Smile More

Well, maybe not when her mother comes to visit. Please excuse the cheap MIL swipe but it was just too easy.  All jokes aside, married guys are over 130% more likely to claim to be “very happy” than single men according to researchers in Australia.

Less Stress

Sure, the morning commute, pain-in-the-ass client and beeping BlackBerry will still trigger tense reactions but married men have lower Cortisol levels (responsible for triggering stress and belly fat) than single men.

Less Sneezing

If your union is a happy one, your immune system gets a boost (sex helps with this, too).

You’ll Avoid Being Seen as “The Old Guy at The Bar”

You might have been the hottest thing on your block back in the day, but the truth is you’re getting older and no man wants to be the aging dude hitting on the freshman bartender. You might think you look good for your age, but we have to be honest: you don’t look as good as you think you do.  Worse, while you’re wondering what the sexy twenty-something is wearing under her jeans, she’s wishing the old guy at the bar would stop giving her creepy eyes.

“Who wants to do a shot?”

What’s Up, Doc?

Being married means you get to be placed on her health insurance policy. Any man who has had to pay full price to turn and cough knows this is a biggie.

You’ll Live Longer

According to researchers at UCLA, single men and women are five times more likely to die of infectious disease and nearly 40% more likely to die of heart disease.  Another study suggests divorced men are 80% more likely to kick the bucket than a married men, even when in excellent physical health. Unfortunately, your wife isn’t as lucky; single women live longer than married women do.

More Moolah

We know, weddings take the phrase “crazy expensive” to whole new levels, but take solace in the fact that married men have more money in the bank than bachelors.  For starters, you’ll get a tax break, and if you’re wife is a working woman, you’ll be dividing expenses by two incomes. You’ll also get more respect at the office.  Studies show that men who put a ring on it make over 20% more in salary, receive faster promotions, and enjoy better reviews than their single counterparts.  Go ahead, let her have her chocolate fountain, you’ll pay down that debt in no time.*

You’ll Have Someone To Feed You Oatmeal

Dude, you’re going to get old and someone is going to need to make your breakfast and remind you where you parked the car. The freshman bartender doesn’t serve up Metamucil martini’s.


4 thoughts on “The Benefits of Being a Married Man: by saint mienpamo

  1. Woah! Dats a good one so ma advise is all d aged bachellors shoud get hooked don’t b scared it cost nothing bt full hapiness

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